My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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