I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
