I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
