I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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