it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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