He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
