Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Randomize
