It's like a parade of train wrecks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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