im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
