in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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