Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just made my gag reflex go away.
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I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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