she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Who died my cat blue again?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
