Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
