He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
