we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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