Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
