I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
