she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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