Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
