ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
