Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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