dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
