All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
