well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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