my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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