One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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