I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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