It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
