pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please come you make the beer taste better
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
