I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize