I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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