Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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