if you like me you must not know who I am
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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