just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
