I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
