Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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