DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
