I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
