I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
