So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
