You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
