His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
