we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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