apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
