the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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