why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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