Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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