that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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