What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
