who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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