he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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