You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
