I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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