Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
