She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
