Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
