I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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