I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
