The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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