i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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