I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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