I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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