Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
