im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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