i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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