Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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