At least make sure they are 18
Why
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
