woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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