She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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