I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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