Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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