DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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