My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My feet surprised me
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