cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
