my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
