I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
