My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
