pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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