Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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