your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
