So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i think my cat just said my name.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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