Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
