when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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