listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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