i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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